Okay let’s not mess about with intros and preambles - this game is really, REALLY bad. So bad it makes reviewing it difficult, as I never like to slag anyone off (no, really I don’t). I haven’t seen the movie featuring Samuel L. Jackson but wanted to catch it on DVD sometime, after this I’m not so sure. The confusing story goes something like this: Jumpers are time and space warping warriors, and Paladins are their enemies, who seem to be in a right mood and want Griffin dead (maybe they bought his game too). I think there’s something in there about Paladins killing the titular Griffin’s parents, but I couldn’t be sure because the story is told in a bizarre mixture of rendered cutscenes, game engine graphics and static comic book-style strips – none of which bear any relation to each other visually or stylistically. If you look up the word "mess" on Wiki I suspect there might be a picture of Jumper in there somewhere.

The main character (Griffin) is so lacking in detail and malformed that he looks like a mutant, lolloping along like some sort of ape-creature who’s pooped his pants. I don’t know if Brash have heard of motion capture but it’s really good, honest. The 2 or three types of enemy all lope into the arenas in perfect step like some sort of tech demonstration in synchronised animation from the early days of PlayStation or Saturn. And strangely, they don’t have the license to use Mr Jackson’s likeness (or voice) in the game – Samuel L. Jackson, a great actor who’s made some great movies, but readily admits that he’ll appear in anything for the right money – the fact that video game fan Jackson isn’t in Griffin’s Story says it all. Jamie Bell, who plays Griffin in the movie, does however supply his voice – presumably they held his family hostage. Unsurprisingly Jamie’s unfunny quips and “banter” will soon get on your wick, not least because the man who as a boy played Billy Elliott has developed an odd, transatlantic/North East accent, hard to imagine? Think: if Alan Shearer, Ant or Dec did a John Wayne impression - it's very odd.

So anyway, back to the visuals – it is a VIDEO game after all. Well… this car crash of a game looks bad, really bad… but the worst part is that what could have been a clever game mechanic (jumping to distant points and for fast, one-button attacks or combos) is totally underdeveloped. How cool would it have been to jump to raised platforms to explore, or to stage an attack from? Nope, there’s nothing like that, the game engine is so basic that you can’t even jump through an open fence or railing – just over clear flat ground, or to set, predetermined points that the game decides for you. The game is buggy too (you'll get stuck if you're daft enough to "explore" too much), and so texture-lacking it looks like a PS2 game most of the time. Jumper makes me feel bad because I’ve criticised some games lately for looking “Xboxy”, but even with graphics this bad Jumper still manages to exhibit frame rate problems whenever there’s anything to look at.

Well yet again I've managed to yammer on for ages about a game barely worth your or my time, so let’s put us all out of our misery; this is the WORST 360 game I've played - by some distance. One day in the future I can imagine my grandchildren asking me "Grandiddly, did you fight in the war against terrorism?"...and I'll say "no kids, I played Jumper, it was a much tougher assignment". Jumper should have its own category, giving this one out of ten feels like I'm being too generous, and may be misleading you. AVOID.