By the gods, where do I start with this?

Right, a bit of background first I think, just to get you up to speed, as I’m sure you'll never have played a Lula game before (or won’t admit to it), as I know I haven’t. In fact I’d never even heard of the franchise before last week, and to put it bluntly, I really wish I hadn’t clapped eyes on it at all!

Would you believe me if I told you there were six Lula games? Now, I’m shocked quite frankly as it means there must be enough demand for this type of rubbish to warrant that someone keeps making them. So for the uninitiated: The Lula "games" are based around the main female character Lula, who is the director of many, many porn films. She’s blonde, makes Lara look flat-chested and has the most annoying voice you will ever hear. Some of the older titles range from "Monkey Island" style point and click adventures to strip poker games, and so by that, I think you can see where this latest version is heading?

The game is played as a third person adventure game, so you explore your current surroundings, collect items and then you progress by asking other characters in the area what to do with them – but be careful, because I thought the same thing - AND SHE DID! – right there on the bed! To say that the gameplay is a very long drawn out affair is an understatement. For instance, to obtain a phone number, I had to ask one character the same question twice, before the game then "opens up" the next path of progress; i.e. now I can ask another character that same question. But the option wasn’t there before the second time I asked. Odd. But this wasn’t a singular occurrence either, it happens constantly throughout, and unsurprisingly it’s not much fun. It seems that this is the mainstay of the gameplay, which in past games has worked wonderfully well. Take the last Broken Sword game as an example. A vaguely similar game, but that had well thought-out puzzles, a strong story, interesting protagonists etc etc. This has none of those ingredients, and fails miserably on all counts.

Now, I’m no prude and it’s not for me to be the moral crusader, and I’m not going to be either, so a little food for thought.... With all the bad press that video games have gotten lately surrounding the now infamous "Hot Coffee" incident in the excellent GTA San Andreas, do we really need products like this, done this badly? I’m not so sure we do, but still - horses for courses, it’s up to you...