Who would have thought that after all the debates on time travel being possible or not, that a portal back in time would actually be released onto an unsuspecting world not only with no news, but also disguised as a PC game? Because you see, March! Offworld Recon is not so much a game, but more like a trip back to the games of the late 90s.

March is a FPS (First Person Shooter) game, and as you know if there's one thing the PC is not short of then it's First Person Shooters. So what does March do to try and stand above the rest? Does it have advanced enemy AI, huge and glorious outdoor levels, well-designed and unique objectives or even a real world physics engine? Does it chuff - it has nothing new - in fact it would have looked dated should it have been released four years ago.

What we have here is a generic FPS game in the old school sense. The levels are so bland and generic it's unbelievable, dull is not a dull enough word. One minute you are in a green room - you leave via a corridor to arrive in a red room - repeat until it gets duller than dull (about 3 minutes) There is almost no level design - it really is very amateurish and you have to look back to the very earliest Id shareware titles to find anything like it.

   

The rest of the graphics are just as basic and boring. You are supposed to be a hardcore group of robot-type marines - you look more like some kids toy from the local Sunday market - and just wait until you see the enemy for the first time! They appear in a cut scene which was so bad I swear it was put in more as a laugh than anything else; there is more animation and realism in one of those hand drawn flick cartoons you used to doodle in your school books.

Not only does the enemy look stupid, they act it too. There appears to be very little AI present in any of them, with their idea of a clever attack being to charge blindly forward and hope you just loose the will to live.

The only attempt the game makes to try and be close to modern is by making this a squad-based FPS game, although you would be hard pushed to notice. The AI of your teammates is pretty much non-existent - they all act the same - just following (when they're not getting stuck behind doors or in walls) and respond to commands worse than a 13 year old half way through the school holidays.

   

The weapons in the game come in the form of what appears to be a chain gun, although to the casual glance it would appear to be a bunch of drinking straws wrapped in electrical tape. The only clever thing about it is the way it spins round before firing (although I seem to remember this was also done in a shareware game many years ago) - instead of having loads of different weapons you are able to change the barrel enabling different fire modes - it's slow, it's cumbersome and it does not seem to make one bit of difference.

There is nothing that can make me recommend March. Even had it been released 3 or 4 years ago it would still have looked dated, and even at £20 somebody somewhere must be having a laugh. Maybe they should change the title from 'March' to 'April 1st' - at least then people would have an idea what to expect…